Wednesday, September 11, 2013

And I Cried

(Not related to the joys of exploiting life, but rather realizing that exploiting life comes with pain too.  This is a life event that has had a big impact on me.)

I don't cry at funerals.

I don't cry when my family is hurting or suffering.

I don't cry during movies.

I don't cry - or at least I don't cry very often.

I don't think I'm insensitive.

I sympathize, I empathize, I listen.

I care, I feel, I hurt, I support...everyone, including animals.

But for some reason, no tears normally flow.

The other day, I cried - a lot. I cried all evening. I cried with my wife. I even cried the next morning in front of co-workers.

The reason, my dog!

She recently had a tumor on her lip removed and a biopsy confirmed it was cancer.

An aggressive enough form of cancer to warrant x-rays and an additional surgery.

The second surgery required removing tissue around the original tumor spot, trying to catch the mutated cells before the spread.

We were warned that she would look different. Her canine tooth would show and it may appear that she is snarling.

I had no idea the impact on me.  Maybe I had no idea the amount that I cared for this dog?

When I picked her up and saw the result...I cried. And I cried.

I had no control.

She definitely looked different - but that wasn't why I cried.

No. I cried for two reasons -

I could finally, physically, see what was so intangible before. That she was fighting cancer. That this was impacting her. I hurt for her, as I imagined she was hurting inside.

I worried that this person-loving, can't-get-enough-of-new-people, animal would be shunned. Shunned, by something she had no control or understanding of. Something that she couldn't see, but the new come-snuggle-me stranger would see - and who would turn from her when she ran up for cuddles.

I knew she is better off now, even if she doesn't realize it.

And I knew there are others out there, who like me will see a happy, tail-wagging full-of-life puppy when she runs toward them.

But this didn't stop me from crying.

And crying.

This was part of exploiting life - part of experiencing all of the emotions of life.

Don't be afraid of crying. Most have been through similar situations.

We are not alone.

Is there a particular moment that you remember crying uncontrollably? Have you loved your pet and not known it until after?

Yours in exploiting life.

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